


Hollow Breaths

by vegetablemonster (Druddigonite)



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Guess what pages each individual scene is based off of, I keep writing Tuuri as Turri help, Songfic, This is like two years too late whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 09:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Druddigonite/pseuds/vegetablemonster
Summary: The noises of the night faded into a dull roar, white noise, as if she was underwater. And the little bird inside her opened its mouth and sang; sang and sang and sang, because it was too late, too late.   —Tuuri





	Hollow Breaths

**Author's Note:**

> All italicized lyrics are taken from Aurora's Awakening. I highly recommend you listen to that before, during, or after you read this fic; I feel that it sets the mood quite well.

Tuuri couldn’t remember the last time she ventured outside. It had been so long. 

And despite the warnings Onni gave, of trolls that lurked in the shadows, of beasts that prowled the ruins, the silent world was breathtakingly _beautiful_. Tuuri’s breath fogged on the glass as she watched the boat pass under a rocky overhang, surface stubbled with sparse grass. It was still early morning, but already the air was ablaze with the gentle reds and pinks of dawn. 

Her nose tingled as she pressed it flush against the cold glass pane separating her from the outside. Onni would hate her for being so eager. 

But Onni was back in Keuruu. Stifling Keuruu, whose rigid schedule always made her feel claustrophobic. 

She was a small bird there, in a birdcage too small and a world too big, flapping and flapping and flapping. When Tuuri was younger, she used her breaks to wander to the edge of the town, crane her neck past the high-towering walls towards the endless sky, imagine herself soaring past the vast beyond. 

Now, Tuuri was out. 

“Lalli, come look at the view! You can be sick and miserable later!” 

Her cousin’s ensuing protest was muffled by the backpack he buried his face in. He did surface a while later though, bleary-eyed and blinking. 

Tuuri looked out across the channel. Broken beams and sharp scaffolding now littered the area. They were ruddy with rust, overgrown with grasses, powdered white from the ever-present snow, but when the boat passed by Tuuri tried to imagine them as their pre-Rash selves: towering behemoths in a world where it was okay to explore. 

“There used to be a city right there! Can you believe thousands of people lived in this place?”

Lalli frowned; it didn’t suit him, but Tuuri had gotten used to the expression. It had been a while since he smiled. “Cities are bad.”

He meant well, Lalli. But it hurt her when all he and Onni saw were her limitations. The bars of her small bird’s cage pressed painfully to her sides while she glanced toward the window again. 

She took a deep breath. And despite the fact that she was breathing recycled and filtered air, despite a thick panel separating her and the rest of the world, Tuuri felt the cool breeze of the forest brush past her cheeks.

_With a tiny rope and a bag of stones and all her broken wishing bones_  
_She's going in, she's going home_  
_Oh this little golden eye, fighting every day_  
_Behind the light, behind the light_

The tank they were assigned to wasn’t the best - its panels were dented and scratched, its inside stank of mildew - but Tuuri had long learned to swallow her complaints and move along.

While her team members were loading their food crates into the trunk, she took the time to get accustomed to what would be her new living space for the next few months. There were two gas masks hanging idly on hooks near the front. Tuuri decided not to touch them; she wouldn’t be needing them until they ventured into the Silent World anyways. 

A faint crinkling noise came from her bag as she set it on the cots. When she unzipped it, the contents were littered with shattered bits of glass. Tuuri picked up the culprit and her heart fluttered. 

It was the picture of her family. Onni was standing in the center, face resigned, eyebrows furrowed. Lalli was on the left, looking vacantly at something off camera. The Tuuri on the right was a younger version of herself, back when she wore her hair in a ponytail. A few thin wisps had escaped and framed her cheeks in a feathery halo. 

The image was one of the only formal pictures taken of them. Onni had been a sentimental jerk who wanted something to immortalize his only remaining family members, in case he never saw them again. 

Sentimental jerk or not, Onni may have been right. 

Her fingers ghosted over a section of the picture where its glass had shattered, spiderweb cracks spreading outward. The younger Tuuri stared back at her, its face marred by missing shard that cut straight between her eyes.

_Walking faster down the street, red eyes and no shoes on her feet_  
_Going on this journey, determined to complete_  
_This is farewell, this is good night_  
_The last time she will see the daylight_  
_See the daylight_

“Mikkel!”

If the large man was surprised to be followed by two non-immunes, his perpetually deadpan face didn’t show it. Tuuri thrust a purring Kisa between them, beaming beneath her mask. 

“This was Reynir’s idea, I tried to stop him!” 

It was not, in fact, Reynir’s idea. Tuuri felt like she should’ve been ashamed for lying, but she had somehow left all her dignity back in the Known World. Her non-immune companion stammered out an affirmative after some subtle elbow-nudging. 

Mikkel didn’t seem to be convinced. He muttered something about babysitting, then trudged off without taking Kisu. Reynir was slightly upset (“He did get angry. Now I feel bad”) though Tuuri couldn’t care less. They were standing on a bridge - _outside_ , she giddily reminded herself - where sunlight trickled down from between shaded canopies. Beneath, the river ebbed and flowed, slow but not quite stagnant. Mossy rocks and shrubs between them bled blue against green, surreal. 

As they ventured into an abandoned fort, Tuuri noticed signs of animal activity. Squirrels chased each other on overhanging branches. White hares darted out from nooks and crannies. A family of rats huddled together underneath a shed. The air itself was alive with birdsong, and for a split second, Tuuri felt the urge to remove her mask, join their chorus. 

She caught herself, swallowed, and continued on.

_Standing by the riverside_  
_Patiently waiting for the tide_  
_To come along, to come along_  
_The waters going to her feet_  
_And on her body wind so cold and sweet, so cold and sweet_

The sounds of battle thrummed through the cattank as a fearful tension pervaded the atmosphere. There was an ear-splitting scream from an angry Kisa. The clatter of heavy claws on wood.

It wasn’t until the bang of a familiar rifle that the room fell deadly silent, and Tuuri began to hear the pounding of blood through her ears. There’s something warm pulsing beneath her fingers, so out of place with the cold sense of dread that was pooling, pooling inside her stomach. 

Lalli met her eyes. Froze. It’s okay, I’m fine, Tuuri tried to say through her eyes. Though both of them knew it wasn’t, so they just stared at each other, unblinking. Tuuri felt like she was supposed to feel something. Shame, maybe. Or pain. Stand up with a brave smile like the one she wore when taking her first steps into the Silent World. Laugh it off and lie between her teeth, like the time she was caught trying to sneak past the walls of Keuruu. 

But all Tuuri felt was numbness, Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel, couldn’t think. The noises of the night faded into a dull roar, white noise, as if she was underwater. And the little bird inside her opened its mouth and sang; sang and sang and sang, because it was too late, too late. 

It was too late. 

They stood there for a brief eternity.

_And the stars were brightly shining_  
_When she reached out they were gone_  
_And the water started calling_  
_"My little child, please come home."_

The stars were beautiful tonight.

There was something weighing her down: guilt, perhaps. Or shame, or the whispering of a thousand trapped voices under ocean waves. But the higher she rose, starlight trailing at her feet, the quieter they grew. 

The lapping shoreline faded like a distant memory. Her wings, now no longer bound by the confines of her body, spread open to catch the upward draft. 

As Tuuri closed her eyes and took in the neverending waters, she had never felt freer.

_When a shiny light hits her eye_  
_And she turned around and climbed towards the sky_  
_Towards the sky_

**Author's Note:**

> And this marks my debut into AO3. I hope I didn't do too bad. :) English is not my first language, so please let me know if my grammar or syntax is off.


End file.
